Entourage – The Best Ever Ari Gold Quotes


Chronicling the life of budding young movie star Vincent ‘Vinnie’ Chase (Adrian Grenier, The Devil Wears Prada), and his band of childhood friends; which includes his, somewhat failed-actor, brother Johnny ‘Drama’ Chase (Kevin Dillon, Platoon), his best-friend/manager Eric Murphy (Kevin Connolly, The Ugly Truth), and tag-along/driver ‘Turtle’ (Jerry Ferrara, Battleship); as they try to make a living in the cutthroat city of Los Angeles, HBO’s Entourage has provided more than its fair share of laughs, drama, and amusing cameos from huge stars, since it first hit our screens back in 2004, but one standout character, has always proved to be a huge draw, the series’ biggest success, and true king of the one-liner; neurotic talent agent Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven, The Pirates!)

So as the final season of Entourage is due to be released DVD and Blu-ray on June 11th, we thought it was the perfect time to take a look back at some of the most memorable and outlandish quotes from Ari Gold; not only touted as one of the most powerful agents in L.A., but also the agent of Entourage’s star, Vincent Chase.

  1. “What the fuck is a widget!”
  2. “If you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday!”
  3. “Knock off the hippie shit, strap on a helmet, and start shooting. This is Malibu, Emily, I want you to storm that beach like it’s fucking Normandy!”
  4. “I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with, and just so we’re clear, I don’t care about ANY of them. They’re all just a number, like wife number one and therapist number seven. GOOD DAY!”
  5. “Let’s hug it out, bitch.”
  6. “It’s like high school. You can’t fuck the prom queen until she finds out her best friend jerked you off underneath the bleachers!”
  7. “I guess the bro code’s out the window when you’re fucking someone’s wife.”
  8. “Conversations usually end after one person calls the other person a douche bag.”
  9. “I drove to work today in an $80,000 Mercedes and I’m going home in a prop car from Fast and the Furious… my life is over!”
  10. “You know what they feed people on an indie set, Vinnie? Nothing! They don’t give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?”
  11. “Fuck you. Where’d you hear that, Friendster?”
  12. “Call me Helen Keller because I’m a fucking miracle worker!”
  13. “We are gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we’re gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos.”
  14. “This is now the biggest agency in the world. And I’m the head of it. Which makes me the biggest agent in the world. Now, can anyone tell me why I chose to be the biggest agent in the world? It’s so I can stop being a fucking agent. So don’t tell me to show the love, that’s what I pay you people for.”
  15. “That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.”

Entourage season 8 and the complete Seasons 1-8 boxsets are available on Blu-ray and DVD June 11.

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Matt Wheeldon is the Founder, and Editor in Chief of Good Film Guide. He still refers to the cinema as "the pictures", and has what some would describe as a misguided appreciation for Waterworld.